"Ricky Schroeder Injured In Bizarre Miniature Train Accident" AP, Chicago, Monday 10/18/2004

 Child TV star, and famed Stud of The Universe Winner (1989), Is reported to have suffered serious injuries resulting from a tragic accident late sunday evening. Schroeder was apparently attending one of his childrens soccer games when a derailed miniature train, much like the one used in the show "Silver Spoons", barreled through the crowd and struck him. Schroder was listed in stable condition at press time. Witnesses at the scene described the accident as just the opposite, claiming the mini-train seemed to have malicious intent towards Schroeder specifically. No one else was hurt.

Schroeder, better known for his role in the 80's TV show "Silver Spoons", has been in a downward spiral since his 1996 arrest for indecent exposure. Schroeder pleaded not guilty to all charges, claiming a crazed fan stripped him of his clothes and left him in the street naked. No such fan was ever recovered, heh heh, and he was sentenced to 200 hours community service. Then, in 2000, Schroeder was busted on charges of "animal solicitation" as his working-ranch was exposed as an underground horse brothel. Several of the horstitutes were taken in custody, two of which later committed equinocide. Schroeder has mainly been a recluse since said incident, only rarely attending sporting events involving his children. Schroeder is asking that in lieu of cards or flowers, that donations be made to the Horstitutes of America Recovery Fund.

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It's no wonder Ike beats you up and why you have not had a hit record in years. You wrap your million dollar insured legs around that beatnick's face and RODEO!!!! I guess it's a good thing he was never man enough to grow a beard. Chafing is awfully unpleasant, and likely to leave a rash. And we can't have that now can we?

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me....God bless the Monty Python...