Does anybody know how to do a reverse rain dance?  Got any suggestions to make the rain go away.  It's ruining my hair.

Princess

After hearing much talk about The Grudge how scary it is and whatnot, I decided to rent it the other night.  Hubby decided to go visit his uncle and took the boy with him, so I was home alone with my daughter who was already in bed sleeping.  The lights had been flickering all night due to the lovely storm we were having.  I had candles burning just in case and sat myself down to enjoying scaring the beans out of myself.

Sad to say, the storm and the sudden howling of my dog scared me more than the movie.  I just didn't get it.  Not at all.  I kept waiting for something good to happen and  . . . . . . nothing.  *sigh*  I turned if off after the first 20 minutes cause I was bored out of my mind.  I won't spoil it for those of you that haven't seen this masterpiece, just in case you want to give it a try.

Today's question: what really bad movie could you just not suffer through?  The movie that was so bad you just had to turn it off?

Princess

Apply to we_be_monsters@yahoo.com

Topic: If I were a superhero in 500 words or less...

The best of course get a slot on our staff and some free promotion as well as front page billing.

In my old age I have come to understand a few things. One is that I don't really understand all that much and also that you cannot go thru life alone. It is because of that I would like to offer a select few a key...the key to this very blog. Wanna be a part of SGG productions, have free reign to post what you want? Gimme one good reason, and if I like what I hear...the password is yours...

Consider this SGG productions IPO!!!! any bidders? You know what to do....

Ok preachers and punks, nerds and jocks, it's time for the first Annual Solutions for Modern Living Contest. In 50 words or less, describe to this esteemed panel of judges, namely myself, and maybe some more morbidly fascinating people to be named at a later date, an invention. And not just any invention, but one that would qualify for a solution to modern living prize. Winners of course will get an honary award, the golden couch potato, and likewise, a guest hosting job on this here blog. Winner will be afforded an opportunity to write an essay on one of the following choice topics:

1. Billie Jean is not my lover, and other lies as told by Wack Jacko...

2. White Wedding and other places Billy Idol would not be caught dead at...

3. Why I want a Popemobile...

The winner will also figure out how the hell to post photos and promptly fill me in.

With a great head of hair, flashing eyes, and a chin that could cut through the Northwest Passage, Bruce Campbell could be modern cinema’s Tyrone Power or Errol Flynn.  Except he’s not.  Instead, Bruce is the king of B horror flicks, including the cult classic Evil Dead trilogy.  Others know of Bruce because of his television roles: Autolycus, King of Thieves from the Xena and Hercules shows (he’s terrifically hot in those tight leather pants, swinging that grappling hook); or from his starring roles in the sadly-short-lived Adventures of Brisco County Jr. and Jack of All Trades.   What distinguishes Bruce from many players in that business called show is that he honestly and proudly revels in his B-lister status and the fact that he makes a living doing something he loves.

Anyone who loves a horror flick cannot help but the cheesy goodness that is the Evil Dead trilogy.  In Evil Dead, five friends vacationing in a remote cabin find the Necronomicon (Book of the Dead), along with a tape recording of key incantations.  By playing the tape, the group unleashes evil forces, which commence to turn the group members into Evil Dead, who can only be destroyed through dismemberment.  Much mayhem ensues, leaving Bruce’s character, Ash, the sole survivor.  Just because he did not learn to step away from  the tape recorder during his first ordeal, Evil Dead II pretty much finds Ash repeating the scenario over again.  In my personal favorite of the trilogy, Army of Darkness, Ash finds himself stranded in the 13th Century with his car, his shotgun, and his trusty chainsaw.  Although at first thought to be a spy for a rival kingdom, Ash agrees to help the his captors retrieve the Necronomicon, needed to battle the supernatural forces scourging the land (and to return to Ash his own time).   Unfortunately, Ash mispronounces the Book’s incantation (klaatu verata niktu–a tribute to sci-fi classic, The Day the Earth Stood Still), and accidentally awakens the Army of the Dead, led by his clone, Evil Ash.  Enough with the spoilers.  Rent the movies.  They are great.

With candor and self-deprecating humor, Bruce tells the story of how he collaborated with high school pal, Sam Raimi and Sam’s college roommate, Rob Tapert to become professional filmmakers in his autobiography, “If Chins Could Kill: Confessions of a B Movie Actor.”    Devoid of the sex and substance abuse that features prominently in most True! Actor! Autobiographies!, Bruce’s book tells the story of how 3 young men from Michigan raised the $350,000 they needed to make their film.  Four years later, Evil Dead became the best-selling video in the UK, and eventually got released in the US.  

As Raimi has moved on to directing mainstream Hollywood films, we have been treated to cameo appearances of Bruce in his films.  If you blink, you will miss seeing Bruce walk through a scene in Raimi’s classic Western, The Quick and the Dead (which brought Hollywood’s attention to a smokin’ hot Russell Crowe).  Bruce appeared in both Spiderman movies, most notably, in the original, where he played the wrestling-match announcer who dubs Peter Parker “Spiderman.”

Bruce’s most recent film release is the madly brilliant Bubba Ho-Tep, in which he plays an aging Elvis (or is he just an impersonator?), in an East Texas nursing home, forced to confront a soul-sucking mummy.  In his battle against the evile, Elvis enlists the aid of an elderly black man who believes he is JFK (well-played by Ossie Davis).  Rent it.  Hail to the King!

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Bard, from one Elvis impersonator to another I think it is safe to say "Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine."

Yo, she-bitch. Let's go.

Good...bad. I'm the guy with the gun.